First Congress took place in order to decide the future of the Caucus
Today, a few delegates met in a small New Jersey town in order to decide the long-awaited launch of the actual Ba’athist caucus. Though the exact location was not disclosed to even many of the delegates, some people spoke to The Resurrection in order to describe their experience. Apparently, they were picked up and rode for almost two hours in order to shake off any federal presence.
“It was dark,” said one anonymous delegate. “We were ushered into an attic at, what was it, two or three in the morning? It was a small duplex. I vaguely remember, like, a Yugoslav flag. It was a small area and I probably hit my head on the slanted roof a couple of times. I legitimately think they put something in the air because I don’t remember voting on anything.”
Although there was no agenda and few people knew exactly what they were voting on, a number of propositions were put forward by the founder. The first motion established a Central Steering Council in order to direct the political and media work of the faction. A few positions were created, such as Honorary Caucus Chair, which was of course given to the now-powerless Esteemed Comrade Bashar Al-Assad (who we assume is blissfully unaware of our carrying of the flame in the United States—though we can change that). Three other notable positions were also created, such as Political Secretary and Caucus Chair. Someone from Saxony-Anhalt was actually granted the title of Executive Member due to his connections to the U.S. and national German socialist movement, but the nature of these connections remain unclear.
“I really think this caucus could be something special,” the Caucus Chair said (Proda, not Bashar Al-Assad). “I mean, just look at the recent twitter space between the American Communist Party, the people from Geese [Magazine], and those Neokauts. It was a spectacle of cross-tendency dialogue and we hope to influence more of that in the future.”
There was another notable resolution: the decision to create a Caucus Discord server. “I have absolutely no idea why so many DSA chapters are moving off of Signal and WhatsApp and going to Discord, and it’s very annoying actually,” said Proda. “But when it comes to caucuses, it’s absolutely necessary. For example, I’m in both the Marxist Unity Group and Libertarian Socialist Caucus servers and their outreach is amazing. I was in the North Star one too, but it became physically painful after twenty minutes so I had to leave.”
The meeting ended abruptly and delegates were kicked out of the house. It was never formally adjourned. Nevertheless, the Congress (which will clearly be remembered as a historic meeting akin to the one the RSDLP had in Finland), accomplished its goals and established the base through which it will operate.
The minutes are as follows:
Motion to Create a Central Steering Council: Unanimous
Motion to Create a Title Specifically for Bashar Al-Assad: Unanimous
Motion for the Committee of Inquiry into the Creation of a Website and Future Caucus Discord Server: Unanimous
Structural Resolution to Name Proda the Caucus Chair for Life and Have Him Chair the Entire Thing Forever: Unanimous
Motion to Condemn Hasan Piker and make it widely known: Unanimous
Mocija da svi ljudi pričaju crnogorski zauzv(ij)ek: Jednoglasno
